Our dating journey has not been a straight path. It has involved many twists and turns and sometime outright reversals and restarts. I guess it started with me realizing, a couple of years ago, that I had a sexual interest in what I thought at the time was spanking. I was searching something completely non-related on the net and came across a fiction story on spanking. I think that story helped me to see that I had been thinking about spanking for really a long time but had never realized that it had any significance to my life really. I have for as long as I can remember created elaborate ongoing stories in my head that always involved some spanking in one way or another.

Perhaps it was age, entering my 30s left me feeling more secure to think about these things and wonder if it would be something my husband would be interested in. I had never even thought of my interest as sexual; maybe because I had carried around these images and characters for so long that I thought they were just interesting to me. The stories never contained any sex in them, just spanking of some kind. I worked up the courage to talk to my husband about it. He is a very sexually open minded person and he was quite happy to hear that I was interested in this thing that seemed ‘kinky’. He had, until that point, always been the one to bring up new things to try sexually. Without hesitation he gave my wry smile and said he would be game to try spanking. Somehow or other I ended up over Mike’s lap and he applying stinging slaps. We both laughed. It was hilarious and ridiculous at the same time.

The next day we talked about it and I told him that although I had been thinking about him all day that I really did not think that spanking was for me. He said that he too felt awkward. Spanking turned out to be quite a let down and not the emotional experience I had imagined it would be. So we dropped it for a while. That one spanking though sparked my interest in spanking in a sexual way. I could not get it out of my head. My husband was thrilled that I had this ‘secret’ and he wanted to know what other secrets I had up my sleeve. This one spanking kind of opened up a period of sexual awakening and exploration for us. Mike travels a lot on his job and we spent a lot of the time he was away instant messaging with one another. We would research different sites, many of them porn, exploring what we liked and disliked about what we saw. It was a very exciting time for us. We would send each other spanking gifs and other kinds of images that we found funny or interesting. It was during this exploration that I came across a DD site while looking for stuff on spanking.

I was blown away and realized immediately that spanking was not really what I was interested in but in discipline. All those stories I made up I realized included spanking, yes, but more importantly included discipline spanking. It never occurred to me that a husband might spank a wife for discipline in real life. That thought had never crossed my mind. Here was an entire site dedicated to just that very idea. So I had to work up the courage to discuss this with Mike. I knew he would be open to spanking, but discipline was going to seem just crazy to him. It was. He was both shocked and amazed that I was interested in this idea. He asked to see the site I was reading. This led to much more discussion. He was unsure. He proposed a test drive, so to speak. Whether or not he could actually give me a real spanking was in serious question and would I ever submit to one, another. He proposed that he give me a task to do before he came home and if I did not do it he would spank me. He suggested he would give me a 10 minute spanking or some such thing. He said that once I agreed there was no turning back and he would go through with it no matter what. He gave me a day or two to think about it and I freaked emotionally and for reasons I still do not understand I said no.

I think it was too game like. I still was interested and did more research and we talked some more and decided to give it a go. I think at the beginning it was a game for Mike. It took him time to realize that yes I was really interested in this. I think he kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. All along the way we have changed and evolved. We have had many heated discussions and many cuddly romantic ones too. Mike has always insisted that we take things slowly so that if we do make a mistake it would less likely be a major one. I guess over time Mike has grown comfortable with his role as head of the household and he wears an easy confidence with it most of the time. I am sure we will continue to evolve and change. One thing is for sure: this crazy journey has changed us for ever; we have seen each other in a light we will be unable to unsee. It has been well worth it and I think even if we came to a point where we had decided that Loveawake was not truly for us, the journey to that point would have been well worth it.

When you (one) first discover Loveawake, you can think that you want X, and do that, only to discover that that is not quite what you wanted after all. Sometimes you have to try things to find out that you don't want X. Do it is very important to keep quite an open mind about where you (think you) are going, and to pay attention to how you feel about your journey. Best of luck to those who are just starting out!